


Ashamed no more

by random_firework



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Sam, Coming Out, Confessional, Confessions, Gen, M/M, Pre-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 19:03:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8765275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/random_firework/pseuds/random_firework
Summary: Or how Sam said the words out loud for the first time.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ZoeMaxxx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoeMaxxx/gifts).



> I just needed to get this ficlet out of my chest and out there because it means a lot to me. Why?  
> 1\. I just love the thought of Sam discovering he likes boys at a young age (I picture him around 12 here) (and bisexual Sam makes so much sense to me)  
> 2\. I also really like the idea of him coming out to someone he trusts and feels safe with  
> 3\. We know from canon (8x23) that Sam confessed only once in his life, when he was a kid, but we never knew what he confessed so...
> 
> (To ZoeMaxxx: you commented on one of my fics that you were on a bisexual Sam quest so I thought you might like it)
> 
> Enough talking. Enjoy! :)

“In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the holy Spirit,” Sam whispered as he signed himself. 

“I’m listening, my child.”

“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.” Sam’s throat tightened. He fidgeted. His knees were already hurting because of the hard floor. He began his confession in a thin voice. “I have had thoughts about some people I’m…not supposed to have uh- thoughts about.” Sam winced. Delivering the right concise words would have been much easier and he would be done by now, but he just couldn’t formulate them in his mind, let alone get them out of his mouth.

The voice across the wire-mesh screen resonated louder than Sam would have wanted it too. “Impure thoughts?” 

The flushed young boy nodded, oblivious to the fact that the confessor could not see him.

“My child?”

“Oh, right. Uh yes. Well, some of them.”

Half of Sam hoped that it would be it and that the Pastor would send him off with an _Our Father_ or two. But he would not be able to come out of this confessional serene if they didn’t discuss Sam’s…tendencies. Fortunately, it wasn’t in the Pastor’s plans.

“What makes you think you’re not supposed to think about them?”

“They were…” Sam breathed out shakily. “Other boys.”

That was it. He had said it. Out loud. For the first time.

Pastor Jim’s answer wasn’t long to come. “Did it feel right?” he asked in a calm voice.

Sam smiled. Tommy gazing at him from across the baseball field the other day had given him more butterflies in his belly than any other girl. It had felt more than right. 

“It did, yeah.”

“The Lord loves all His children. It does not matter to Him who you love as long as you are respectful to Him, others and yourself.”

“So it doesn’t make me…” Sam searched for the right word to describe how he had always felt like. “A freak?”

“No. It just makes you who you are.”

A wave of relief overwhelmed Sam at the confessor’s clear and irrevocable words. Grateful tears rolled on his cheeks.

“Is there anything else you’d like to confess or ask, my child?”

Sam chuckled softly while he wiped his face with his sleeves. He felt that he could take on the whole world now. “Uh no, no that’s all.” 

“For your impure thoughts – and only for them – I will ask you to say three _Hail Mary_.”

“Alright.”

“Are you sorry for your sins and do you firmly intend to do your penance?”

“I do, Father.”

“God, the Father of mercies, through the death and resurrection of His Son, has reconciled the world to Himself and sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins; through the ministry of Church, may God give you pardon and peace. I absolute you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”

Sam completed the sign of cross. “Amen.”

“God has forgiven your sins. Go in peace, my child.”

“Thank you, Father.”

 

When they left Blue Earth a few days later, a clear afternoon of June, Sam’s cheek was still slightly wet where Tommy had kissed it. He came back to the motel to pack and found a brown little parcel on the top of his duffle. 

“Pastor Jim came earlier to give you this. Where were you anyway?” Dean shouted from the bathroom, toothbrush in his mouth.

Sam didn’t answer. Astonished, he let the wrapping fall at his feet and caressed the cover of the prayer book in his hand. Between some pages, just after the _Hail Mary_ , Sam found a little wooden cross. He took out of his pocked the piece of paper Tommy had hastily shoved there – _“Promise me you’ll write to me, Sam”_ – and carefully placed it at the end of the book. 

He barely heard Dean walking towards him and hurriedly hid the book at the bottom of his bag.

“What is it?”

“A book. You know, something you have to read. It’s for intelligent people, I don’t expect you to be interested.” 

“T’was weak, Sammy,” Dean observed, falsely serious. “Are you…blushing?”

Sam fumbled in his duffel to turn away from his brother. “No, I’m not.”

Dean’s eyes pierced his back for a few seconds before he sighed. “You’re such a weirdo.”

“You’re the weirdo, weirdo.”

“Okay smart mouth, whatever you say. Move your ass, Dad will be here soon.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed :)  
> Kudos and comments are very welcomed (if you want to squee about bisexual or gay Sam, this is a safe place) <3


End file.
